As part of a “Secret Santa” project in my research group, we were asked to purchase generic gifts for people. As I’m the only Canadian amongst mostly Mexican and British researchers, I opted to make a Canadian mix collection expressing some things quintessionally Canadian and Ein. The actual CD features an artistically produced booklet on peach banana-fiber paper with original artwork. I’ve included the liner notes accompanying the songs below the list.

1. Ride Forever by Paul Gross on the album Due South
2. The Last Saskachewan Pirate by The Arrogant Worms on the album Semi-Conducted
3. River Valley by Moxy Früvous on the album Bargainville
4. North Country by The Rankin Family on the album Collection
5. Canadian Railroad Trilogy by Gordon Lightfoot on the album Complete Greatest Hits
6. Song For A Winter’s Night by Sarah McLachlan on the album Women & Songs: Christmas
7. Go Go Round by Blue Rodeo on the album Beautiful: A Tribute to Gordon Lightfoot
8. Go For Soda by Kim Mitchell on the album Oh What A Feeling 2 (Disc 3)
9. Fly at Night by Chilliwack on the album Greatest Hits
10. We’re Here For A Good Time (Not A Long Time) by Trooper on the album Oh What A Feeling 2 (Disc 2)
11. Hina Na Ho (Celebration) by Susan Aglukark on the album This Child
12. I Can See Clearly Now by Holly Cole Trio on the album Don’t Smoke in Bed
13. Raised on Robbery by Joni Mitchell on the album Court and Spark
14. Moorlough Shore by Caroline Lavelle on the album Spirit
15. Boston and St. John’s by Great Big Sea on the album Road Rage
16. Water From the Moon by Corey Hart on the album Boy in the Box
17. Be As by Prozzäk on the album Saturday People
18. Thin Red Line by Glass Tiger on the album The Thin Red Line
19. Lovers in a Dangerous Time (remix) by Barenaked Ladies on the album Time 100 – Volume 2 (Disc 2)

1. Ride Forever by Paul Gross from the album Due South

Paul Gross is probably best known for his role as Constable Benton Fraser on the television show Due South. He’s also a director, songwriter and a singer. This is a song which he wrote and sang for a very memorable episode of Due South. Paul, like me, is a native Albertan. Calgary is 150 km south of Red Deer, my birthplace, home of cowboys, rednecks, and farmers galore.

2. The Last Saskachewan Pirate by The Arrogant Worms from the album Semi-Conducted

… Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores

Regina is situated along a creek (very mighty–not!). In fact, Regina is basically flat out in the middle of nowhere, a fact that didn’t stop them from making it the capital of Saskatchewan. I spent part of my undergraduate years in Regina. It’s flat, very flat and they have no sense of adventure when it comes to cuisine. If only I’d had the Arrogant Worms then! The Arrogant Worms are more of an improv./comedy troupe than singers, but they do have some pretty funny songs–if you’re Canadian!

3. River Valley by Moxy Früvous from the album Bargainville

Moxy Früvous is another off-the-wall odd ball comedy singing troupe. This isn’t my favourite track, but it’s the track which reminds me most of Edmonton, Alberta. Edmonton is the capital of Alberta and I spent most of my life living around Edmonton. The North Saskatchewan river flows through the city and there’s natural parkland on both sides of the river all through the city. Edmonton has more parkland per capita than any other city in North America. It’s this river valley that I often miss with its unmanaged forests, deep ravines, wild blue skies, and electric summer storms.

4. North Country by The Rankin Family from the album Collection

The Rankin Family is a large performing family group who have since split up and gone their own ways. It is usual for them to employ fiddles and that’s very typical of music from the eastern seaboard of Canada from where they hail. It’s unusual for them to be singing about the North since most of the North is west of them. I’m not really a Northerner either, although Edmonton is known as the “Gateway to the North.”

5. Canadian Railroad Trilogy by Gordon Lightfoot from the album Complete Greatest Hits

There was a time in this fair land when the railroad did not run.
When the wild majestic mountains stood alone against the sun.
Long before the white man and long before the wheel.
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real.

The building of the Canadian National Railway (CNR) was a big thing in Canada, because the distance to be covered was so vast. As such, it features predominantly in our history and culture. Gordon Lightfoot is one of Canada’s best folk singers, specializing in stories and ballads. He wrote this song and the next two tracks.

6. Song For A Winter’s Night by Sarah McLachlan from the album Women & Songs: Christmas

If there’s one thing (other than Mounties and maple leaves) people associate with Canada, it’s probably winter and snow. The weather has shaped generations of Canadians and generations of Canadian culture. Sarah McLachlan does a great rendition of this Gordon Lightfoot romantic ballad of snow, distance, and separation.

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you
And to be once again with you.

And, to be truthful, it is very romantic to be in candle light and watch the snow softly falling onto the big trees outside the window.

7. Go Go Round by Blue Rodeo from the album Beautiful: A Tribute to Gordon Lightfoot

Blue Rodeo formed around Toronto songwriters Jim Cuddy and Greg Keelor in 1984. With two strong songwriters at their core, they write most of their own material. This track is an exception and is part of a tribute album to songwriter Gordon Lightfoot.

8. Go For Soda by Kim Mitchell from the album Oh What A Feeling 2 (Disc 3)

This is a very “Americanized” song, but there’s something so innocent and so carefree in its lyrics:

Might as well go for a soda
Oh yeah, nobody drowns, and nobody dies
Might as well go for a soda
It’s better than slander, it’s better than lies

9. Fly at Night by Chilliwack from the album Greatest Hits

Chilliwack obviously weren’t feeling very creative as they named themselves after their home city of Chilliwack, British Columbia, on the Canadian west coast. “Ooh, we like the big wide spaces” and so do I. The cramped corners of Brighton just don’t compare with the majestic wide spaces of the Canadian west.

10. We’re Here For A Good Time (Not A Long Time) by Trooper from the album Oh What A Feeling 2 (Disc 2)

We’re here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can’t shine everyday

Good philosophy in an upbeat pop song. Take it to heart and live it!

11. Hina Na Ho (Celebration) by Susan Aglukark from the album This Child

Although the far north is sparsely populated, it also produces its share of singers and songwriters. Susan Aglukark is an Inuit whose native language is Inuktitut, some of which you can hear in this song celebrating her culture and the roots of her own life.

12. I Can See Clearly Now by Holly Cole Trio from the album Don’t Smoke in Bed

While Holly Cole is Canadian, this song is a cover of a Johnny Nash’s composition. Holly’s rendition is much purer and clearer than any of the other versions I’ve heard of this song and perfectly highlights the Canadian vocal jazz scene she shares with other luminaries like Diana Krall.

13. Raised on Robbery by Joni Mitchell from the album Court and Spark

Joni Mitchell, an inspiration to folky hippies of the 60s, was born in a small town in Alberta, so she’s a prairie girl like me. This track, advanced over her first forays in folk in the 1960s, was a hit single in 1974, showcasing Joni’s abilities to cross genres–something she’s still continuing to do today.

14. Moorlough Shore by Caroline Lavelle from the album Spirit

Like many other Canadian artists, Loreena McKennit was inspired by traditional and Celtic music. Born on the prairies in the province of Manitoba, she’s done surprisingly well in writing, producing, and managing her own music, managing even several platinum and gold certifications for singles–no mean feat when you consider the genre she’s working in. This track is one of my favourites but not one of her award-winning singles; it’s haunting, evocative, and sounds fantastic on a good stereo system.

15. Boston and St. John’s by Great Big Sea from the album Road Rage

Great Big Sea, from Newfoundland, is one of my favourite Canadian groups. They predominantly take traditional and sea-inspired songs and write new arrangements, often more upbeat but still employing traditional instruments such as fiddles, flutes and the Celtic bohdran. With most of their music being so real and so honest, they’re fantastic live because they don’t rely on studio effects to achieve their sound. In fact, their live album Road Rage has far better versions of many of their songs than their studio albums. This song is slower and more thoughtful than many of their songs, but it’s a lovely piece.

16. Water From the Moon by Corey Hart from the album Boy in the Box

Corey Hart is a Canadian pop idol from the 1980s. This song is taken from his very successful Boy in the Box album, but it’s more thoughtful than the songs which people typically associate with him. The lyrics are both haunting and mysterious, so I’ve never been quite sure what exactly this song is about or what it means to draw my water from the moon. Nevertheless, it’s made a strong impression on me with its lyrical phrases and simple arrangement.

17. Be As by Prozzäk from the album Saturday People

Prozzäc is another whimsical Canadian band. Actually, this is a band parodying a band. Prozzäc is made up of members of the Canadian band the Philosopher Kings. I don’t think the Philosopher Kings have been as successful commercially as Prozzäc. There’s just something inherently appealing about a group who writes about geeky web-based dating and incorporates ICQ sounds into their music. This particular song, while still candy-coated, has a decent underlying message, typical of the tolerant attitudes of Canadians to almost everything. Be as <blank> as you want to be!

18. Thin Red Line by Glass Tiger from the album The Thin Red Line

This is the title track off of Glass Tiger’s very successful album of the same name. While many people outside of Canada may not be familiar with Glass Tiger, they may have been involuntarily exposed if they watched the hit 80s movie The Breakfast Club which featured Glass Tiger’s hit track Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone). For its day, this was a very grungy album but the band was soon outdone by later grungier groups despite a foray into more serious adult music. I never really thought of the The Thin Red Line (the track) as particularly “teenybopper” in its content though:

The crimson and the claidemaugh make you
‘Strangers to fear’
A thin red streak tipped with a line of steel…
Shadows fall over me
All for the ‘thin red line’.

Nothing is more serious than being sliced open, if you ask me, however poetically veiled it is.

19. Lovers in a Dangerous Time (remix) by Barenaked Ladies from the album Time 100 – Volume 2 (Disc 2)

“Lovers in a Dangerous Time” is actually a song by Canadian songwriter Bruce Cockburn (pronounced Co-burn). The Barenaked Ladies, an eclectic pop/jazz/folk group from Toronto, normally write and perform their own very successful music. This track was part of a tribute to Bruce Cockburn when he was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame and I think it’s far superior to any Bruce’s versions. BNL do fantastic live shows, with lots of good banter and honest music, although their later albums (very commercially successful) aren’t as quirky and original as their earlier material. You know a band’s too commercially successful when Argos nicks a song intro to play over and over again for a year in every advertisement.

Some time back, bemoaning the lack of trees in our neighborhood, we adopted a couple of stray Christmas trees and lured them back to the flat. (They were lost on the street and it was either that or take them to a shelter or, well, firewood.) Luckily they came with their own pots full of dirt.

These Christmas trees relate to toilets in a way you just don’t want to know. Hang in there.

One of the trees blossomed under our loving care but the other sadly was losing its lust for life. We thought perhaps it had been affected by salty ocean spray. You see, when I found it, it was taking a not-so-thoughtful sojourn to the sea-side.

The Ein had a cunning plan. We would wash the tree. Not only would we wash the needles, but we’d, um, wash the dirt and rocks in the pot. And to make the poor distressed tree even happier, we’d kick his brother out of his nice pot where he was happily thriving and trade pots.

“You’ll kill both trees and plug up our septic system,” I pointed out. I had my doubts about the ‘cunning’ in the cunning plan.

“Maybe everything will be OK, ” she beamed, “and we’ll have lovely, lush trees!”

Maybe.

Well, we washed the tree, the pot, the roots. Despite our best intentions most of the dirt and crap seemed to disappear out of the tub. And now the toilet makes funny noises every time we flush.
You see, our toilet, being a late installation doesn’t flush down. It flushes up. A little pump valiantly lifts all the water and stuff over the wall. Normally it goes “whirrr whirrr whirrrr” combined with a satisfying “grump grump grump” of stuff being pushed up and over.
Recently it started going “whirrr whirrr whirrr” with not so satisfying addition of more “whirrr whirrr whirrr” followed usually by “whirrr whirrr whirrr”

Flush!
Whirrr
Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr
Whirrr
Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr
Whirrr
Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr Whirr
Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr Whirr Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr Whirr Whirrr Whirr
Whirrr Whirrr
Whirrr Whirrr Whirrr Whirr Whirr Whirr Whirr Whirr
(wheeeze)

“Perhaps we could suggest to the landlord that the pump isn’t working so well anymore”, Michelle suggested last night.

The last tenants who did this had the pump taken apart and it was found to be clogged with several hundred condoms! We’re not quite certain how he explained this. “Condoms? I have no idea how all those condoms got there! What kind of guy would flush a condom?”

I have visions of the pump being opened up and us having to explain how it came to be covered in pine needles.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be covered in pine needles,” Michelle suggested optimistically, “Maybe it’s covered in rocks!”

“Pine needles and rocks?, ” we would say, “in our pump? No we haven’t been flushing dirt and rocks down our toilet. Of course not. What kind of idiot puts dirt and rocks in the toilet. And we, of course, haven’t been washing Christmas trees or anything like that in the toilet. That’s just silly. They would go round and around when you flushed.”

Of course, if they asked us if we were dumping rocks and needles down our bathtub we’d have to ‘fess up and it would be the end for the adventuring S&M.

The dream? Oh, of course. After a conversation about this right before bed I proceeded to spend the night dreaming about an airplane flight where each window seat had its own toilet conveniently placed at about elbow height into the wall. The toilets were used as a kind of messaging and transportation system. You shoved an object into the back of the toilet next to your seat (at convenient elbow height) and it would be magically transported to one of the other toilets for retrieval. A very classy airline.

I was debugging Michelle’s toilet and was having trouble getting the Hot Wheels car suitably in the back of the toilet. It was clogged with thick mud, rocks and shit. So to speak. As I was up to my elbow into the muck, trying to place my Hot Wheels car, it occurred to me this transportation system may not be too popular with the ladies. Just another crappy airline.

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